What are they trying to find out...

My bank just rang me. They were conducting a survey of people’s views on their business account.

They wanted to know what I thought of my business manager. Was I extremely satisfied or extremely dissatisfied with him?

I did not know how to describe someone you have had almost no contact with. After all, extremely satisfied or extremely dissatisfied are (by definition) extremes and I am not sure I feel either. The one time I had reason to speak to my business manager, he took a long time to get back to me, but that hardly puts him in either bracket does it?

Next they wanted to know my views about my branch. Which one? The one I use most or the one that holds my account? They were not sure. Anyway it would make little difference because I do not use the branch. I do my banking online.

So was I extremely dissatisfied or extremely satisfied with my branch? Well neither really, since I do not use it. Still they probed. Still I was unable to answer.

Finally the killer question. What could the bank improve?

Where do I start? They could get back to me within an hour of me calling; they could provide fresh coffee and donuts when I call in; they could stop charging me money to pay money into my account when I get paid by cheque; they could offer me a higher rate of interest; they could come over once a year and take me out to lunch.

They could do all of these things but they will not, and there is probably a good reason. So I responded by saying they could get back to me quicker, which is really the only issue I have had with them so far.

It was a stilted conversation. I did not get the impression that the person at the other end was able to engage, nor deviate from a script. The questions did not seem appropriate to me or to provide any sort of basis for someone to improve service. It appeared to be an exercise in gaining feedback for the sake of it.

Now I know this is a touchy area. If organisations ask for feedback they are criticised. If they do not they are uncaring. But it does seem to me that unless you know what you want to get out of such a survey it is a monumental waste of time. And if that is the case the one thing I would improve about my Bank is not wasting their or my time without having thought through what they want to know.